I've blown a few things in my day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I sprained my soul last night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
