Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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