Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
