Someone shit on the floor
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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