They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
