I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
