**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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