you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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