omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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