3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have already put on my inside pants.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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