I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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