TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
