So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
