I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
