Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
