I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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