is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
