make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
