Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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