4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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