xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
