my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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