Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
A+ Viking dick
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
