Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
tonight lets celebrate not being married
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
