I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
