Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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