we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
