i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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