it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
