I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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