I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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