At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
