We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This toilet bowl is my home.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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