oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
