BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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