the condom got lost in my hair
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
