id be glad to
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
