are you still at the devil's house?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
