you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
