I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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