its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
