I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i peed on brittanys purse
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
