WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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