they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
