put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
