why didn't you poke me back
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
thus making me awesome and them whores
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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