i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
