I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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