I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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