I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
