wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
