I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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