the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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