even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
