I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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