dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
