I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
