she was so not down for the gang bang
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
