The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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