Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
